Velveeta: Not For Praising Cheesus

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Had I posted my top ten fear foods one month ago, macaroni and cheese most definitely would have made the cut, but, overcome with a wave of adventurousness in Oman, I courageously tried some, wearing a bikini and all; I jumped right into the deep end, and I came out most definitely not singing “praise Cheesus!”

It was HORRIBLE. Truly horrible. Recommendation #1: Don’t eat hot mac & cheese in the sun on a humid day, and #2: Don’t go for the tinned stuff.

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Despite containing more protein and 1/3 the calories of a similar serving of cheddar, Velveeta is not, repeat not, a worthy substitute, unless you’re down for your taste buds to take a battering. Sure the 1/2 lb block is easy to work with – “It spreads” – but advertising itself as “a delicious Cheese Food” should sound the alarm bells, as well as the information that Velveeta is a “Process American Cheese with added milk sugar, milk minerals, and water.” Right, that’s enough, I’ll stop there with the details. The point is that my fear of macaroni and cheese was tackled with a tin of Kraft stuff – It just looked so fun – that only caused the fear to return with a vengeance. Mac & cheese, as I know it, should come from a grandma’s kitchen, served in a dutch oven, not as follows:

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The noodles were so plasticy they were hard to chew, and the cheese was so soupy I almost had to whip out a straw. Three impressive bites of the goo and I handed it over to my brave sidekick:

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But when a dog who hunts down bugs for dessert after a kibble dinner can’t even stomach the “liquid gold,” as Velveeta markets itself, you know something is wrong – just plain wrong – with the product.

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Someone take me out for some good mac and cheese, and take me out quick!

What do you think about Velveeta?

What’s the worst and/ or best mac & cheese you’ve tried?

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6 responses to “Velveeta: Not For Praising Cheesus

  1. Ha. I’m not sure–Mac and Cheese is still one of my no-no foods, but if I wanted an amazing bowl, I’d probably order it from a comfort-food style diner. Ooooh oooh, OR make mac and cheese grilled cheese sandwiches. I saw a picture once and think it sounds amazing. Growing up my favorite pasta was the Pastaroni pasta shells in the cheese sauce stuff. Yellow Rice a Roni rice was also a big fave in my mind. My mom used to make a whole package and leave it hot on the stove for my sister and me in the summer.

    • Sounds like mac and cheese conjures up some happy memories for you, which is important to think about when eventually come to eating your “no-no” food. When in doubt.. think happy thoughts!

    • Ewwww is totally right, but its novelty was too tempting to pass on.. Just like you and Velveeta, tinned mac and cheese and I will never again join forces… It’s all about trial and error 😉

  2. I highly recommend Martha Stewart’s Mac and Cheese. It’s ridiculously expensive (gruyere and pecorino, in addition to sharp white cheddar) but oh so worth it. I’d also recommend halving the recipe, otherwise you’ll be grating cheese for ages (i speak from experience) and have enough Mac and Cheese to feed a small army.

    • Thanks for the tip, Annie! I just googled the recipe, and ooohhh my goodness, yep, that’s a “maker”! I may just have to restrain myself from tackling it until I’m next at home because 1. I can “borrow” my parents’ money, 2. My brother rivals a small army, 3. My mum has a food processor that’ll shred that cheese up like nobody’s bizznizz 😉

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